I’m a big fan of Robin Sharma and his books on personal development. My favorites are his two books under the title, The Greatness Guide. Each book contains 101 insights to help get you to world class. The chapters are short – one or two pages. The insights are deep and thought provoking. Often times they’re also extremely practical for those who want to achieve their highest level of personal and business success.
I have a journal where I keep track of stuff, and I jot down the chapter titles along with some of the key points and some action items to apply what I’m learning in The Greatness Guide books. I’m in to Book 2 now – reading and absorbing one chapter at a time. One day, around the middle of last month I read chapter 51: “First Principles For Great Relationships.” The principles Robin listed were in the context of offline, personal relationships. I suggest with a little imagination, these principles can also translate to online communities and the opportunity we have to engage with others to build quality relationships. As Robin points out, “The quality of your life comes down to the quality of your relationships.” Here’s some thoughts on taking Robin’s “First Principles for Great Relationships” and apply them to engaging with our fans, friends and followers online.
Be the first one to say hello
Someone’s got to get the conversation started, why not you? In the offline world we fear rejection – what if they ignore me? Same holds true in the online communities. We can make up tons of excuses why engaging someone in a conversation starter is a wasted effort: “But they have more followers than me…they don’t know me…they might think I’m stalking them… they’re too self-absorbed in doing their own thing,” and on and on it goes. The one thing you do need to be aware of when trying to engage someone – like on Twitter – is they may not be *there* when you read their tweet and try to engage them (Ahh, the wonder and magic of application integration and automated tools)! Still, looking for those online who are *there* and being the first to engage them with a “Hey there…” or a “Guess what…?” or even, “Boo!” – just might get something started. It can pay off in big dividends towards building quality, online relationships.
Smile a lot…
“It’s one of the best ways to have someone open up to you,” observes Sharma. And yes, you can smile as you type! Not talking about inserting smiley faces in your updates (although that would be an improvement over some of the posts we read). I’m suggesting we can be polite and be positive. We can post, update, comment, tweet and RT in the kind of tone and posture that will build people up and make them feel good. 
In the book, Push-Ups for People, Steve Siemens suggests we should view others as if they had MMFINA written on their foreheads: “Make Me Feel Important, Needed and Accepted.” Smile, and as you type, visualize MMFINA as a pop-up or sub-text to those you’re conversing with online.
Use people’s names
In offline conversations there’s no better sound than to hear someone speak your name. On Twitter, typing RT @username, or @username replies and tweets shows you care. On Facebook, you can let a friend know you *Like(d)* what they shared. It makes the people you’re addressing feel important, valued. Doing more of this will help build quality relationships faster.
Look people in the eye when you speak to them
Granted, a little tough to do in online conversations unless you you’re doing a web cam, Skype call. But the principle is to continue to pay attention when interacting online. This could mean you keep on top of comments to your blog posts and reply in a timely manner. Try and be consistent and regularly present in the networks you participate in.
Become a world-class listener
Sharma writes, “Most people don’t listen. Most people are so self-focused that they fail to ask good questions when they meet another person. Listening and asking questions shows humility. It shows you are interested.” Try googling “listening is the new marketing” and review the nearly 12 million references to this topic. Then ask yourself, “how can I become a better online listener?
Simply setting up a listening station to monitor and respond to keywords and brand mentions is not enough. Building quality relationships online is about engaging in such a way that shows you’re interested – not just in your agenda – but in a give and take, question and answer type dialog that shows you care about others and are not just focused on reacting or getting your point across.
Offer sincere compliments
Not hard to do whether offline or online. Or, is it? Perhaps the second greatest sound after hearing someone speak your name is to receive a sincere compliment. Anyone know of an analytics or grader program that measures compliments? I use Filtrbox and can use the sentiment tab to tag mentions positive or negative – positive being complimentary. But there’s nothing out there that I know of that measures the quality of engagements and ranking influence or authority by compliments received or given.
I just conducted a small experiment and looked at my Twitter feed to find a compliment. It took 88 tweets before I read one that contained a “thank you.” And the compliment is from… Misty Belardo (@mistygirlph). Nicely done Misty (and I mean that as a sincere compliment)! And wow, I just realized, you said “hello” too and I’ll bet you were looking @arnteriksen in the eye as you smiled and typed out that tweet.
Treat everyone like royalty
Even spammers and those schlepping their junk? “And I do mean everyone,” writes Sharma. I don’t advocate we embrace certain, shall we say, “questionable practices.” At the same time, we can treat everyone with respect and a redemptive attitude. Who knows if something we say or write can make a positive difference. Always take the high road and always be looking to build quality relationships along your journey.
Putting it all together
Sent to Twitter and Facebook: @_robin_sharma Hey there Robin, just a note of thanks for The Greatness Guides = positively powerful for living our best lives! #rockstar. Not only will the quality of your online relationships improve by practicing these 7 principles, but you will also boost your credibility factor. And that’s good marketing.
So there you have it, 7 principles for building quality offline and online relationships. I’d love to hear your comments and examples of applying these. What have you found that works well in engaging and building relationships both offline and online?
